Over the course of a lifetime, the need for control can slowly overtake us. Often times this process goes unnoticed by the person who is being swallowed by this need. In my case, it took a few years to see what was happening. This memoir follows my journey and battle with anxiety and control, and how they consumed me until I couldn’t remember what life was like without them.

Amid my suffering, I constantly asked myself, “what does it even look like to give up control? Better yet, what does it feel like? They talk about it in church all the time, but I guess never really bought into it…”

Looking back on those miserable days, I realize the reason I didn’t buy into giving up control was because of one ugly, evil thing: Fear. I believe fear of any kind is the root of our inability to let go. If we become accustomed and familiar with what we hold on to, giving it up can be a pretty scary task.

One lesson learned from these trying times? For growth to take place, you must step out of your comfort zone. We have to be pushed to our limits in order to reach a better outcome. My hope is that as you read my story, you are reminded that life and love are more important than any rule or sense of control.