Since this blog is about the writing process I strongly encourage you to read my last blog post before reading this one. Now that we’ve gotten past that let’s talk about what’s happened since the last post. Wow, this is awkward. My last post was about figuring out what you need to write. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how far I was from finding this out. Way to give advice before figuring it out yourself right? Luckily Brad gave me a helpful reminder in the comment section.
While it took a lot of time for me to figure out what I needed to write on my own, here are a few sentences of Brad’s comment that really got me thinking, “You are still under the impression that story is about you and this other person. Because of that, it feels very much like you abandoned it because of fear not because it’s not the story to write. Maybe it isn’t, but you won’t know because you never gave it a chance.”
This wasn’t the first time I had heard this but it was the first time it stuck. When I first told my story to a group of strangers at the very first Invictus meeting everyone knew it was the story I needed to write. I was engulfed with fear though and was trying to run away from it. So what do you do when you don’t want to write a story? You ask your friends’ opinion, hoping they’ll all be on your side as well.
This is where things started to get sticky. My friends didn’t have a straight answer. Some of them didn’t think I should write it and others thought I should. I became so worried about what others would think about the story if it were published that I couldn’t see past it. After Brad wrote that comment I saw that I was still holding this story under lock and key. It took a few weeks of me pushing out all the voices in my head and seeing the story from an outside perspective to really understand. This wasn’t about me or the people in the story, it was about the story itself.
So I did what I felt I had to before I wrote the story, I called the guy who has a huge role in it and told him that I was writing it. Surprisingly he told me to “do whatever I want” with the story. I felt like the wall that was holding me from writing the story was gone. I didn’t need consent I just needed to give him a courtesy call. I felt invigorated.
Since then, my writing has slowly taken over. While the story gives you a true sense of who I am, it’s more than that, it speaks for itself. Beyond that, I’ve realized how tightly I was holding on to that part of my life and with it broken open I can truly see it for what it actually is. I let go of the story this past May, but I never walked away from it. Now I see myself slowly taking those footsteps away and looking forward to the journey ahead. While I don’t have the writing process completely figured out, it’s a journey and I’m slowly getting somewhere.