I Was Playing to Win
The math is starting to work against the project.
I don’t like to live in negative spaces. Until recently, I never considered what my life would be without writing. Now, I contemplate it every day.
The truth is I can’t really conceptualize what that might look like. I can’t imagine putting this project aside, and laying down my pen for the last time. My mind doesn’t yet accept the possibility (and my wife continually tells me “I chose hope.”) even as I know that reality may come to pass.
As I struggle to sleep through the night, and worry about how I might convince another 120 people to contribute to my project, I wake up every day thinking about this:
I watch this, I laugh, and I get back to trying to move the mountain for another 15 days.