The past is the present

Sometimes I wish I had chosen something easier to write about like something that happened in the past and was over and done with. Something my hands were washed clean of and I had since moved on from.

Mostly, sometimes I wish I had chosen something that didn’t impact me in the present. It would make my life so much easier and less emotionally draining during the coming months.

But of course, easy doesn’t always mean better. In the case of the Invictus Writers, it’s generally one of the hardest times in your life that you write about. Clearly, there is nothing easy about that.

At the first meeting with the other writers, I shared what I thought I would write about with the 12 hours or so notice I was given. Of course, my mind had other plans as it so nicely reminded me of another topic- one I did not want to write about. The one topic that didn’t just happen one summer nine years ago but the topic that makes the past the present on an almost daily basis.

Brad said the topic we don’t want to write about is probably what we should and will write about. He’s right because since that day, the topic I don’t want to write about is what my focus for the Invictus Writers has been on.

I’m already finding out that it’s not only difficult to bring up a tough subject but even more difficult to bring up a tough subject that I’m still dealing with today. There’s nothing stopping me from changing topics. I certainly could and that would be okay. I’m sure some of the other writers may change topics too. But if I did that, the struggle I went through nine years ago and am still dealing with today would continue to sit in the back of my mind, waiting and waiting.

Instead of pushing it aside for another nine years, I’ve decided it’s time I face it so I can move past it.

I haven’t told many people in my life about the summer I struggled and how it has impacted me since then so that will be hard to open up like that and know people will read about such a personal thing. I am a writer and I write about others all the time and their struggles and triumphs in life.

I think it’s about time I write about myself and deal with my struggle and my past so I can get through it and move on. I don’t want to always be haunted by the past and unable to look ahead with a clear conscious.

What I’ve begun to realize and what I hope will become a reality through this writing process is this—just because the past is the present doesn’t mean it has to be the future.