Writing away the crazy

This project means more to me than my college courses. I ignored presentations, quizzes, homework and other projects to work on my Invictus piece. I have detailed, borderline-insane, handwritten notes on how each scene serves the the story as a whole. Most of them were written when I should have been taking lecture notes in class. I’m throwing all that I have into this project because I believe in the cathartic and therapeutic process of storytelling.

I’m writing about how this past summer almost broke me as a person. Parts of it are blurry, and others are too clear. I’m learning things about myself. I’m learning about how I cope with fear and loneliness. I’m starting to hate who I was and I think that’s a large part of the overall story.

The notes that I’ve been taking have helped me work through the events mentally. I’m a busy person with a lot of priorities to keep straight, and the writing is becoming more and more confusing as I remember things.  It’s also important for me to keep things accurate. I need to ask close friends some tough questions about their behavior and how it affected me, which makes me anxious. I’ve come to a breaking point with many of these friends though, and it’s probably time to sever those ties.

The story that I’m telling is about me, and so it’s strange to see any real meaning or value in it. I’m used to writing fiction, in classes and on my own. I can build a world for characters but it feels very constricting to be a character myself. I know that there are larger themes at work, though. Even as I was experiencing the events of this past summer I knew that others felt that same. Connecting a personal experience like this to a real message feels surreal. It’s going to take me a while before I can attach myself to what I’m writing.

The writing is saving me. I’m getting out thoughts that had been with me for years. This is why I’m involved with Invictus, and it’s entirely selfish. I needed to let it out.

I’m one of the survivors from Brad’s magazine writing class. I’m a journalism major, but I’m not a journalist. Brad is one of the few professors to spot that right away. He tells me that I’m a writer and I believe that, for now. Beyond writing and school I play guitar in a few bands in both the Muncie and Indianapolis area. Music is my main interest in life, but writing and storytelling are close behind. I’ve had one short story published in an online magazine. The only other writing that I’ve submitted to be published is fiction.

This group is already off to a great start. We have some amazing stories to tell and talented people to help craft them.